Friday, January 30, 2009

Toot toot!

Kids are fascinated with passing gas. As kids grow into toddlerhood, each household must have its own word for this inevitable occurance--we've gone with the ever-popular "toot." Chickie has known for a long time about the feelings and sounds associated with tooting. Recently she started understanding the humor of this bodily function. And even more recently, she discovered something extra-fascinating.

Toots stink.

That means even if a toot isn't audible, Chickie can tell when someone has tooted, and she wants to know who it was. She's even learned the fine art of blaming others for one's own gas infractions--one day recently she blamed Grammy and Sampa, and when they both denied it, it became clear she was probably the tooter. Up next will be blaming the dog, I'm sure.

Unfortunately, kids' fascination with toots develops many months before they learn to be ashamed of such socially unacceptable behavior. And that can put mommies in some awkward situations.

Last weekend, Sampa took Chickie and me for a donut date. On the way home we stopped at a grocery store. My dad started chatting with the pharmacy tech, who was a girl I'd gone to high school with but didn't know well. I stood there, listening.

Okay, I admit, I was doing more than listening. But I swear, my toot was totally silent and small enough it shouldn't have been smelled by anyone.

Anyone, that is, except someone whose nose just happens to be level with my derriere.

"Mommy," Chickie suddenly piped up, "did Zoodle tooted?"

With a smile I hoped was casual, I said, "No, honey, Zoodle isn't here."

The wheels in Chickie's little head quickly turned, and she asked the next logical question. "Did you tooted?"

I glanced at my dad and my old classmate, still in conversation, hoping neither of them was listening. Not wanting to lie to my little girl, and certainly not wanting to admit anything, I listened to my dad talk and ignored my daughter.

She was insistent. "Did you tooted, Mommy?"

Clearly she didn't want to drop the topic, and I still didn't now how to respond without drawing attention to myself. Thankfully the conversation at the pharmacy counter wrapped up, and I was able to say goodbye to my old classmate, pretty sure the one-sided, all-too-telling conversation hadn't been overheard and that the secret was still safe between me and Chickie.  This time, anyway.

When Chickie gets old enough to complain about me embarrassing her, I will assure her she deserves every bit of it.


Heather said...

BIG SMILES~hahahaha!

I absolutely LOVE this post. In my house (with three little men and daddy)...our "toots" have grown ;o).

That was our word too, but I notice as my boys get older that they no longer want the cutesy version...and really, that word doesn't fit for the sound or the smell that comes from them (my goodness).

Then, I have my "almost" four year old who has somehow, all on his own, decided that these are called "fots" know, without the rolling "r". I don't like that word..but I'm truly out numbered.

I love her question and your answer...sounds like something I would have tried..."did Zoodle tooted? and -hahaha- Zoodle isn't here. That's perfect.

Thank you for such a great smile this morning!

~hon~ said...

This is so hilarious! hahaha!

I can even imagine her asking you. Can you record it sometime? hehehe! just kidding!

So did you ever answer her question or she just stopped asking?

Shannon said...

Here it's called booty air. I know it's classy, but it works for us.

beckiwithani said...

I'm sure you can guess how hard this made me laugh!

You know in the book Where's the Poop?, how at the end it has that little door flap you open, and the little girl on the potty says, "EXCUSE me! I'm making a poop! Please shut the door!"

Well, Molly LOVES that part of the book. And she yells that whole line in public. She's done it several times. In restaurants is the worst....

Unknown said...

This is hilarious....I laughed alot, especially at your response.

My son is 4 he finds it incredibly funny if he "poops" (thats what we call it), he has also discovered the art of blaming someone else....usually Daddy!!

Have a great day whatever you are doing :-)

PS you have beautiful children.

Katie said...

LOL! Ahhh something to look forward to with my little one...

Call Me Cate said...

I think I would've just replied that "yes, Zoodle tooted." I'm sure wherever Zoodle was at the time, it's very possible he was tooting.

Sandra said...

Beth -- This is a subject that we discuss in our family maybe a little more than usual, because of our 9 y/o granddaughter, Lulu. She has always had an over-active digestive tract that produces occasional gas(I think more than average for a little girl). But, the amazing thing is that, so far, it doesn't embarrass her -- in fact, she thinks it is funny. She even calls herself "fartacus" sometimes.

Of course, I assume at some point Lulu will arrive at a point of social awareness where she will no longer see this as an interesting "talent." And, at that time, and especially in her teen years, she will have to pay us, her loving family, BIG BUCKS not to tell her boyfriends what her childhood nickname was! ;)

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Been there, done that, got the tee shirt - and the stains!

Beautifully written, and so true to life!

cw2smom said...

Toooo funny!!! Thanks for the day brightener! My 2 yr old grandson's word for it is "Hot Poops!" I have no idea where he came up with that, but I rather like it! Can't stand anyone using the F@%T word. Ick!! Blessings, Lisa

Annelie said...

Too funny!
Kids are freaking hilarious!

Unknown said...

I'm just glad you cleared the air about this. -Sampa

Becky said...

Too funny! I'm so glad we're not at that stage yet...maybe we'll be lucky enough to avoid it entirely? One can always dream, anyway.

Anonymous said...

We have a family of announcers. They all announce when they "bust a grumpy," "float an air biscuit," or craft a duck fart. Gotta love'em!

C. Beth said...

Heather--I'm sure sometimes it's a toxic waste zone in your house of men! :)

Hon--I never answered, and she got distracted--whew!

Mama to a diva--"booty air"--HA!

beckiwithani--Ha--I want to hear her say that on the cam!

Cinnamon--Oh, thank you!! :)

Katie--Oh, yes, so much to "look forward to"....

Call Me Cate--Ha--very true, he certainly doesn't hold back when he needs to toot!

Sandra--"Fartacus"--that is so funny! Hopefully she can always keep a sense of humor about her digestion. :)

A Woman of No Importance--Oh, don't talk to me about stains--Chickie has diarrhea right now--I have dealt with WAY too much poop in the last couple of days.

cw2smom--"Hot Poops"--that is great!

A--Yes, they are so funny!


Becky--Maybe your kids have an internal censor mine don't have. :)

Sandi--Great terms in your house! Ha!

Our Scoop said...

hilarious!!! they are so honest!!