Toot toot!

Kids are fascinated with passing gas. As kids grow into toddlerhood, each household must have its own word for this inevitable occurance--we've gone with the ever-popular "toot." Chickie has known for a long time about the feelings and sounds associated with tooting. Recently she started understanding the humor of this bodily function. And even more recently, she discovered something extra-fascinating.

Toots stink.

That means even if a toot isn't audible, Chickie can tell when someone has tooted, and she wants to know who it was. She's even learned the fine art of blaming others for one's own gas infractions--one day recently she blamed Grammy and Sampa, and when they both denied it, it became clear she was probably the tooter. Up next will be blaming the dog, I'm sure.

Unfortunately, kids' fascination with toots develops many months before they learn to be ashamed of such socially unacceptable behavior. And that can put mommies in some awkward situations.

Last weekend, Sampa took Chickie and me for a donut date. On the way home we stopped at a grocery store. My dad started chatting with the pharmacy tech, who was a girl I'd gone to high school with but didn't know well. I stood there, listening.

Okay, I admit, I was doing more than listening. But I swear, my toot was totally silent and small enough it shouldn't have been smelled by anyone.

Anyone, that is, except someone whose nose just happens to be level with my derriere.

"Mommy," Chickie suddenly piped up, "did Zoodle tooted?"

With a smile I hoped was casual, I said, "No, honey, Zoodle isn't here."

The wheels in Chickie's little head quickly turned, and she asked the next logical question. "Did you tooted?"

I glanced at my dad and my old classmate, still in conversation, hoping neither of them was listening. Not wanting to lie to my little girl, and certainly not wanting to admit anything, I listened to my dad talk and ignored my daughter.

She was insistent. "Did you tooted, Mommy?"

Clearly she didn't want to drop the topic, and I still didn't now how to respond without drawing attention to myself. Thankfully the conversation at the pharmacy counter wrapped up, and I was able to say goodbye to my old classmate, pretty sure the one-sided, all-too-telling conversation hadn't been overheard and that the secret was still safe between me and Chickie.  This time, anyway.

When Chickie gets old enough to complain about me embarrassing her, I will assure her she deserves every bit of it.