A BIG (and stinky) milestone

Over a year and a half ago, after Chickie had learned to pee in the potty, and a few months before her third birthday, I wrote on this blog, "Chickie is talking positively about pooping in the potty, so I'm earnestly hoping we'll hit that milestone soon."

A month after that, I posted about the potty chart I'd made to encourage her to poop in the potty.

The next day I wrote about Placebo, the magic "pill" I was giving her to encourage pooping.

A week later, I posted about how I'd started crying when I'd had to take Chickie home from church early because she was writhing on the floor of the nursery, incredibly uncomfortable because she was so determined to hold in her poop to avoid the potty. I'd given her a Pull-Up at home, and she'd very willingly used it.

I didn't write another update on this isssue until several months later, almost four months after she'd turned three. I wrote about how I'd pushed Chickie to poop in the potty for several days, and she'd become more and more traumatized by the experience. She'd learned to very successfully withhold her poop until we'd finally used a suppository to force the issue. After days of frustration, stress, and guilt, I once again let Chickie do all of her business in Pull-Ups.

That was in May 2009--over a year ago. Since that time, I'd avoided saying much on the blog about Chickie's potty training struggles. Most of you, if you knew the history and ever thought about it, probably figured it had resolved itself.

It hadn't. Until this past week. Chickie is finally pooping in the potty instead of in diapers or Pull-Ups. She's doing it without tears. She's still not entirely comfortable with the concept, but she's doing wonderfully. At four years five months old, she's a big girl. And one of the most challenging phases of my parenting so far seems to be finally over.

This may be one of those posts I need to delete when Chickie gets older. It could understandably embarrass her. But I'm going to write it anyway, because I know there are other parents that are going through this, searching the Internet for answers just like I did, and I hope it helps them to read this story. (And hey, as embarrassing as it may be for Chickie, it's such a hugely fabulous thing for me that I just have to share!)

So for all those parents who are Googling phrases things like, toddler won't poop in the potty, preschooler won't go #2 in the toilet, 3- or 4-year-old still poops in diapers, how to get my kid to poop in the potty, child afraid of pooping in the potty, etc., this post is for you. In fact, I'm going to address the rest of this post directly to you, parents or caregivers going through the same frustrating thing we went through

• I know it feels like your child will never poop in the potty. People are telling you, "Hey, I've never seen a kid graduate from high school wearing a Pull-Up!" and while you know that's true, it sure feels like your kid can never get past this! If your child is free of serious developmental issues, he or she will get past this. But it could take longer--maybe a lot longer--than you expect. If you can accept that, it'll be easier to get through it.
  
• I know you may feel like a failure. You aren't. Even if you aren't a textbook potty trainer, you probably didn't cause this problem. I think this issue, this fear of pooping in the potty, is usually primarily due to a child's temperament and/or physical issues. Please realize this doesn't make you a parenting failure!
  
• People will probably offer you a lot of well-meaning advice. You may be lucky and find that some of it works. But if it doesn't, it will frustrate you to hear so many "sure-fire solutions" that you already know don't work on your child. It's okay to ask people politely not to give you advice on this issue--preferably also acknowledging their very kind intentions!
  
• You may worry that people are judging you. And some of them might be! I remember when we were near the beginning of this frustrating journey, a friend of mine told me she'd been through the same thing. Her son hadn't overcome his fear until shortly before kindergarten started. I blurted out, "Oh, I won't let it go that long!" Immediately I realized how judgmental that was. But I still believed it. When I had a four-year-old still pooping in diapers, I realized how silly my attitude had been, how little control over the situation I had. But I'm sure some parents have understandably seen my situation in the same way I saw my friend's! Trust that your true friends will still respect you as a parent, even though they may not understand why you can't get your child out of diapers!
• The strategy that worked best for me was to stop forcing the issue so my child could grow out of the fear. I tried so many things. Mineral oil (even though her issue was not constipation!). A potty chart. Pretend "pills" (Reese's Pieces) to "help her poop." Offers of candy, toys, gymnastics classes, and a party as rewards. I put her in the bathroom until she pooped, even if it took two or three hours. (I'm not proud of that. At all.) Pleading, cajoling, loosing my temper. A countdown with a calendar. I required her to stand, sit, or squat on the potty to poop, even with a diaper on. Holes cut in her diapers. Comparisons with her potty trained friends and her brother. A warm drink for her while she sat on the potty. A warm tub, followed by Vaseline on her bottom. A video to watch while on the potty. Books and songs while on the potty. And I wouldn't be surprised if I'm forgetting some of what I tried. None of it worked. It wasn't until I relaxed and stopped trying so hard that I found quite a bit of peace. (And then I'd try something else that didn't work, and I'd have to force myself back into that relaxed mode!)

So...what finally worked for us? Before I disclose that, let me warn you. I don't have a magic tactic. What worked for me probably won't work for you unless your child happens to be ready! But if you can wait until your child shows signs of readiness, then I bet you'll figure out what does work!

In the past, I'd tried two times to take the diapers away altogether. Both efforts followed the same pattern. Instead of becoming more comfortable with the potty, Chickie became more and more traumatized. She started withholding, which she's unfortunately quite good at. She was so uncomfortable. I ended up using suppositories just so she could, screaming, sit on the potty and poop. Both times, I realized she wasn't ready, that we were going backwards, and that it was better for her to poop in a diaper without trauma than to poop in the potty with escalating trauma.

Then I started potty training Zoodle, my 2-year-old. I've been lucky with him; potty training has been pretty easy. And something shocking and amazing happened. Chickie (after observing her brother's efforts) sat several times on the potty and strained, trying to poop. She only managed to poop a tiny bit, but I realized that since she was initiating pooping on the potty (even though it was pretty minimal), maybe she was getting over her irrational fear.

Then it all stopped. Chickie decided she really just preferred diapers for poop. But I had seen that possible sign of readiness, and I decided I wanted to try to push it again.

Remember how I mentioned a calendar and a countdown? I tried that just before Chickie's third birthday, and it didn't work. I decided to try it again. I sat down with Chickie and let her decide what her first no-diaper day would be. I gave her the option of picking any day within the following two weeks. She chose the last possible day, June 9, and with my help she began marking off the calendar every day.

Chickie was not thrilled. She kept saying that pooping on the potty was scary, and pooping in diapers was easier. I encouraged her that she could do it, and reminded her that she had chosen the day.

Wednesday was the big day. In the afternoon, Chickie started telling me she needed to poop in a diaper. I was firm--no more diapers. (I knew if this experiment went really badly, I'd need to change my mind, but I really hoped we could stick with it.) She went a tiny bit in the potty that night.

The next day, Chickie withheld her poop, and by Friday she was obviously uncomfortable. But in the evening, she suddenly walked to the potty, sat, and really pooped, without freaking out. We rewarded her with candy and lots of praise. The next day (yesterday) she went upstairs and did the same thing--again, no apparent fear or trauma.

After trying so hard, so many times, it amazes me how easily it's happened...since Chickie was finally ready. That's the key--waiting until the child is ready. It doesn't mean you can't push at all...but when the pushing makes things worse, you may have to back off and try again another time.

Waiting can be the hardest thing in the world. But believe it or not...it does work. We're still buying Pull-Ups for Zoodle at night, but as of June 9, we are done with diapers! And that's a milestone worth celebrating!

Check out this post to see the cake we had to celebrate Chickie's milestone!

Potty training, in two easy steps

Zoodle is consistently peeing on the potty. He tells me when he needs to go. He has pooped on the potty three days in a row. He stays dry in his undies during naptime, and though we keep a diaper on him at nighttime, it's dry in the morning a majority of the time.

Ladies and gentlemen, my 26-month-old is potty trained.

Want to know my easy, two-step plan? I'll share it, just for you--free of charge.

Step One:
Have a kid with an easy, compliant temperament.

Step Two:
Try whatever potty training method you want; it'll probably work.

See, I know from experience that when a child (*cough*Chickie*cough) has a more independent temperament, he or she may not respond well to any of the myriad potty training methods, if he or she doesn't want to be trained.

I know that "my" quick success with Zoodle doesn't have much to do with me at all. It's all connected to Step One, having a child with an easy temperament...and of course I didn't have any control over that.

So...no magic formulas here. At least not any that are foolproof! I'm just going to bask in the glory of a child who was pretty easy to potty train. (I'll admit, I think I deserved it this time around!)

Parenting is gross.

In the last week, I have...

• Cleaned up pee that was spilled from the toddler potty onto the carpet, and that splashed on both the furniture and my face. (Don't ask.)
• Cleaned poop from the carpet. And a towel. And a shoe. And underwear. And a toddler potty. And little bottoms. And little legs. And my hands.
  
• Bandaged a kid's bloody toe (with the nail bent back by a closing door.)

And in the last few months, I have...

• Cleaned up a child's pink vomit from the carpet, my clothes, my skin, and my hair.
• Wiped noses countless times.
• Taken rectal temperatures.

There is only one conclusion to be reached.

Parenting is gross.

So next time you hear parents waxing poetic about their children's melodious laughs, sweet kisses, and brilliant milestones, just remember this: We're really just trying to distract ourselves from all the gross stuff so we can make it through 18 years without going completely nuts.

Recovering control freak

A couple of days ago on Twitter, my friend amandab33 asked how potty training was going. I responded,

Up and down! It's a process, and as long as I don't take it too seriously I feel good about it. :)

In many ways, I'm a pretty laid-back mama. But sometimes, my inner control freak is triggered. Potty training is one of those triggers.

Chickie has been mostly potty trained since before she turned three, but she has had difficulties with getting fully potty trained (though she's getting close these days!) I do wonder if I caused some of her issues, by pressuring her too much. Who knows?

What I do know is that regardless of whether or not my attitude changes her actions, it definitely changes my perception of her actions. When I'm being pushy and control freaky, I get majorly stressed out. When I let go, and remember that it'll happen when it happens, I can enjoy life without being so distracted by the unfinished potty training process.

Sunday I realized I was turning into a potty training control freak again, with Zoodle. I don't want to make that mistake with him! So the last few days, I've been focusing on taking it less seriously.

He's not ready to use the potty away from home yet. He is scared to poop in the potty and prefers to wait until he has a diaper on at naptime or bedtime. When I don't frequently remind him to go potty, he is more likely to have an accident.

And yet he pees in the potty more often than he has accidents. He really dislikes peeing in his underwear when it does happen. He's gotten good at going to the potty and immediately peeing instead of just sitting there, waiting. He is excited about the rewards he'll get for pooping in the potty. He likes his new underwear.

In other words, he's a 25 1/2-month-old kid who's doing great with potty training, for his age! He'll figure it out and be perfectly trained eventually, whether it's a month from now or three years from now.

If I can relax and continue to let go of a timeline, I might even enjoy the victories along the way! (Hmm.... I'm pretty sure that applies to other aspects of parenting too....)

"I want my diaper on."

Zoodle has been showing plenty of classic signs that he is ready to be potty trained. Here he is last week, happily sitting on the potty, while enjoying a lollipop and watching TV:



These little happy potty times were starting to be productive more and more often. So I decided that Wednesday was the day we'd start potty training in earnest.

There are plenty of potty training experts out there who have specific plans for how to do it effectively, even in three days...or one day! I actually don't want to put that kind of pressure on myself. I've learned I stay more sane if I can let go of a timeline.

I'm using a mishmash of different techniques such as potty time in the living room in front of the TV (a brilliant suggestion from my friend Amy); plenty of diaper-free playtime, M & M bribery (oh, I mean rewards); and good, old-fashioned playin' it by ear.

Some experts say all diapers should be taken away at once, but I'm still putting him in diapers for bedtime and naptime, and in Pull-Ups for trips away from home. It may mean we have a lot longer until he's truly diaper-free, but that's okay with me. I don't want to deal with messes in the bed, carseat, and grocery carts! I do hope to be able to take him places in underwear soon, but sleeptime diapers don't bother me too much. He'll eventually figure out that part!

So, how is it going? Well, Wednesday was so-so. We had four incidents of peeing on the carpet, and four in the potty. Zoodle was not happy and kept insisting, "I want my diaper on." He also did not want to wear his new Lightning McQueen underwear. He seemed out of sorts, and I'm pretty sure he was thinking, "Come on, Mom, we had a good thing going! Why'd you have to go and change it?" Despite his resistance, I was fairly happy with how Day One had gone.

Thursday Zoodle still kept asking for his diaper, but things turned around after he took a good afternoon nap. He decided in the evening that he wanted to wear underwear, and we began alternating between naked time and underwear time. He had zero pee pee accidents, all day! Pooping may take longer to master, but I did manage to catch him mid-poop and get him on the potty just in time to prevent a really messy underwear accident. Hopefully before too long he'll purposefully sit on the potty to poop.

In other words...it's going really well. And I am so glad. Every kid is different, and Chickie has taught me how little control I really have over this process! I've been really hoping that training Zoodle would be easy. We've probably still got plenty of bumps along the road, but I do think the process with him is going to be comparatively simple.

Today is the first potty training day when I'm planning to be home all day long, with no need for public Pull-Ups. We'll see how our big boy does.... Wish him (and me) luck!

Monday Micro: Potty training

Zoodle occasionally shows interest in going pee pee in the potty, so I suppose we're in the very early stages of potty training. Last night he wanted to go, and Chickie was in the bathroom too. She wants to "help." Mommy's running commentary went something like this:

"Okay, Zoodle, here we go. No, Chickie, don't touch him there. Just let it out, Zoodle! You're doing great! No, Chickie, you don't need to 'squeeze it out of him.' Stop squeezing him! Stop it! Don't touch him. Just don't touch him. I'm going to have to make you leave the room if you don't stop touching him. You can do it, Zoodle! Did you do it? Okay, keep trying. No, you don't need to flush the potty unless you actually go pee pee. You want to go poopie? Great! Just push it out! All done? Okay, good try."

So do you think I really could leave the potty training to Chickie? I wouldn't mind passing along that particular responsibility....

Oh, that's why you think your daddy is great?

I found this fill-in-the-blank "Best Dad" certificate online and figured it would be a great thing for Chickie to make for her Daddy. I asked her questions, and used her answers to fill in the blanks. This is what the completed certificate says:

My dad, Daddy, is the best dad in the world because he really knows how to take care of me and always gives me Tic Tacs. Every morning he wakes up and that makes me feel good! Whenever I need training pants my dad always puts them on and he never needs to get suppositories. His biggest talent is singing at church and he can put pictures on the wall like no one else. One day I hope I can write letters just like him! I love when we play football together because I feel good just being around him. Whenever we go on vacation he takes care of me and is the best daddy around. I don't know how I'd learn without him. I want him to know I am going to grow up because he's a BEST DADDY and that's why my dad is the best dad in the world!



Well, at least if she's unwilling to poop in the potty, she's grateful for her daddy continuing to give her disposable training pants when she needs them. And clearly she's hoping we never have to use a suppository in her again.

She'll love it if we drag this out when she brings a boy home in 15 years; don't you think?

The agony of defeat

**Warning: This post is about potty training. Poop in particular. Poop is icky.**

**Special request: Please don't give me any potty training advice in the comments section. I think you are awesome for wanting to help me (seriously, thank you!), but I've probably tried some version of whatever worked for you, and it didn't work for me. (Trust me. I've tried nearly everything.)**

With those disclaimers...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

I hate potty training.

Chickie has been peeing on the potty for many months now. But poop is another issue. Pooping on the potty terrifies her. We've been allowing her to poop in disposable training pants (Pull-Ups.) Five or six months ago I was trying every "miracle method" under the sun, and nothing worked. I finally followed advice I heard from many camps (including from several of you)--just wait until she's ready. So we started letting her poop in Pull-Ups.

Do you have any idea how disgusting it is to change a three-year-old's poopy Pull-Up? It's nasty, people. Nasty. But it was worth it--I enjoyed the not forcing the issue.

And then, last Tuesday, joyful tears came to my eyes when something amazing happened. Chickie pooped. In the potty. On her own. And was not at all traumatized.

It was a day of celebration in our household. I thought, "Woo hoo, I waited until she was ready, and now she's ready!" We got ice cream and gave her a toy. I told her, "No more Pull-Ups!"

And...it's been downhill from there. Without going into too much detail, I'll tell you that she has spent far more time on the potty in the last week than she should be spending there over the course of a month; pooping on the potty is still freakishly terrifying to her; and while suppositories work, they are really, really not fun to anyone involved. (Oh, and babies like to play with and possibly eat the glycerin from extra liquid suppositories. Thankfully Poison Control assured us this is not really dangerous.)

So yesterday after talking to a good friend who called to check on me (thank you, Kendra!), I grabbed the last Pull-Up from the package, brought it upstairs, and offered it to Chickie. She took it, and made good use of it. Good, non-traumatic, totally disgusting use of it.

I tried. I tried so hard to make this work. I thought if I tried hard enough and was stubborn enough, she'd get it. And she just didn't. It was getting worse instead of better.

I was defeated. And I don't like losing.

But you know what I realized? I'm going to lose some battles as a parent. This is an experimental science, and some of my formulas are just going to blow up.

But that doesn't mean I shouldn't have tried. I have to try different tactics as I train my kids, and I have to deal with the fact that failure is just part of the game.

It doesn't mean that the stress and tears from the last several days were useless. It just means instead of coming out of it with success, I came out with a learning experience. That's not the reward I was hoping for, but it's still useful in my quest to understand my daughter.

Defeat in one parenting battle does not mean I've been defeated as a parent. I'll just keep on marching...armed with a bandolier of clothespins for my nose, and a big box of baby wipes.

One step toward the potty, two steps back

The kids and I had to leave church early today. Why? Because Chickie hadn't pooped since Thanksgiving, and she was writhing on the floor in the nursery, crying. No amount of cajoling could get her to go.

As I got her in the car, I was crying too. I had no idea how emotional potty training could be, and I don't think a parent who hasn't had a resistant child can understand that. Part of what has been so hard for me through this process is that Chickie's "issues" are somewhat uncommon--a fear of, and resistance toward, pooping, not combined with actual constipation. Folks, if it was as easy as purchasing an expensive laxative, I would gladly do it. Dealing with these issues that are purely in her head is confusing and immensely frustrating. I've found myself wondering if I need to bring her to a child psychologist.

When I "let it go" and don't push her, I feel more at peace. And I thought that was working, in combination with lots of positive reinforcement (the potty chart and accompanying rewards) and plenty of Placebo. Then for some reason Friday and Saturday nights, she sat on the potty for long periods of time, with lots of crying and no solid results. By today she was so sore that it warranted getting her home to deal with it here.

Within an hour of being home, she did her business, in disposable training pants, not the potty.

I know this will work out eventually. I know the chances that she will always fear pooping are very low, since she is maturing emotionally, and most more mature kids are not terrified of pooping, especially if they don't have constipation issues. But in the middle of the mess (or lack of mess at times), it is surprisingly tiring and nearly all-consuming.

I really apologize for all the poop talk. Honestly, it's just hard to sit down and blog about something else when this is such a big deal today and has been such a big deal so much of the time lately. Seeing my daughter in self-induced misery and not being able to fix it--that's truly awful. Not to mention the pure frustration of knowing there are many parents blessed with kids who potty trained fairly quickly, without emotional issues. I know it's wrong, but I'm dealing with bitter, jealous feelings, wishing my child was like that. And I know I shouldn't care what others think, but I wonder if those parents who had it easy look at me and think I must just be doing it all wrong.

So there you go--musings of a not-so-happy mommy. The stinky truth.

Thanksgiving: Fabulous or Flop?

Well, I'm pleased to say...the list/schedule worked; Thanksgiving dinner was on the table early; and it tasted great! Next time I'll want to improve on getting everything to stay hot because in general most things were lukewarm by the time we got it all done. But in general, the meal was a success, and it was wonderful to spend it with my husband, kids, grandparents and friends Laurel and Wendy.

Here were the recipes I used, along with my reviews of how they turned out.

Turkey breast, made in the CrockPot, with gravy made from the drippin's. This was delicious! It was so moist. I used Herbes de Provence (sold in spice section) as seasoning, along with the garlic powder, salt, and pepper called for in the recipe. The herbs were excellent. I also stuffed it with apple and onion, per the recipe. The turkey breast cooked a LOT more quickly than I expected. After 2 1/2 hours on low and 1 1/2 hours on high it was done. Mamma's gravy was yummy too!

Half a ham with apricot honey glaze. This was great too, and just like the turkey, it cooked more quickly than expected. Great flavor! I used bone-in ham which I think helped it stay juicy. I'd happily use the same glaze again.

Stuffing, which I'll be making in the oven--I'll try 350 degrees for about 45 minutes. (The recipe calls for it to be made in the CrockPot.) I wasn't thrilled with this stuffing recipe and will seek another.

Mashed potatoes with cream cheese and sour cream--I'll add bacon to these, and I won't make them in the CrockPot. (Unlike the awesome CrockPot Lady, I only have one slow cooker.) These were great, though I took them out of the oven too soon and they got lukewarm. They were much better later when I had leftovers that were nice and hot. Instead of using water and boullion, I used boxed chicken broth. I added bacon and chives--mmm. In the oven on 350 I'd say they need 30-40 minutes if you make a big batch like I did--the sour cream and cream cheese really cooled them off. Really a tasty recipe!

Broccoli salad. This was VERY good. Between the three ladies there besides me, I got two recipe requests. I used craisins instead of raisins, and used almonds instead of peanuts. Note that you need to make this the day before so it can marinate overnight. I do think the marinating time helped with the flavor.

Green bean casserole. Green bean casserole is so yummy--but I should have thawed my frozen green beans first; it took too long to cook and didn't get quite done.

Caramel apple pie. To die for. Make it. Seriously, SO good. I used a Pillsbury crust (the refrigerated kind that you just unroll) because they are so good and so easy. The recipe called for caramel squares, unwrapped and cut in two. Instead I bought a bag of little caramel pieces in the baking aisle, made for melting (for apples.) They were easier to use than whole caramels. And per my Mamma's suggestion, I beat an egg white a bit then brushed it on the unbaked crust, followed with a sprinkling of sugar. It was gorgeous, nicely browned on top.

It felt like a huge accomplishment to pull this off--and I had lots of hands helping me do it! Even better, The Engineer's hands did all the hand-washing of pots and pans and such afterward. What a guy.

And I'm very pleased to announce that before bed Chickie gave me a great reason to be thankful--again, for the second day in a row!

A to Z...a Thanksgiving giveaway contest

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today I'd like to play a little game, one we played around the Thanksgiving table when I was a kid. At the end of this post I'll name something starting with an "A" that I'm thankful for. If you're the first to comment, tell us something you're thankful for that starts with an "B." Second comment, something starting with a "C." (I'm pretty sure you're smart enough to figure out the remaining 23 steps!)

Feel free to post as many times as you'd like, but don't post twice in a row. Traffic might be low today since it's a holiday. Can we get to "Z" before the day is through? Let's try!

If you cross-post and more than one person uses the same letter, no problem--it's a good day to be extra-thankful.

And to sweeten the deal...whoever completes our alphabet with "Z" will get some yummy peanut butter-chocolate chip cookies in the mail. Remember, no posting twice in a row. I'll plan to come on and post a "Y" comment so that anyone is free to post "Z."

Let's get started!

A: I'm thankful for...
Another sticker on Chickie's potty chart.

Get your "Mmmmm" on

We are having a Thanksgiving feast. I'm excited; it's only the second time I've been in charge of a big, holiday dinner. My grandparents (Mamma and Papa) will be in town, and two of my good friends will join us for dinner.

I feel like such a grown-up.

Want to join us? You can be here in spirit...and if you want to feel even closer to us, you can borrow some of my recipes (all of which I've borrowed from other websites.)

C. Beth's Thanksgiving Menu

Turkey breast, made in the CrockPot, with gravy made from the drippin's. (Gravy will be made by my expert Mamma, but if you need a gravy recipe, check out this one.)

Half a ham with apricot honey glaze

Stuffing, which I'll be making in the oven--I'll try 350 degrees for about 45 minutes. (The recipe calls for it to be made in the CrockPot.)

Mashed potatoes with cream cheese and sour cream--I'll add bacon to these, and I won't make them in the CrockPot. (Unlike the awesome CrockPot Lady, I only have one slow cooker.)

Broccoli salad

Green bean casserole

Caramel apple pie

And with all that cooking, I trust you won't look down your nose at me for the last two items:

Store-bought brown and serve rolls

Canned whole cranberry sauce

Oh, and I can't end this post without a photo. As of last night, here's what's hanging on my fridge.



There was a lot of crying involved on Chickie's part...but no pressure on mine; it was initiated by her. And her stated motivation was WALL-E. (Added to the bribery...uh, I mean motivational package...were four WALL-E lithographs hung on her wall for numbers 1, 2, 3, and 4. The lithographs came free with the movie, and she enjoyed choosing the first one yesterday. I guess the lithograph sweetened the pot.)

What's that thing I see, just barely, if I squint just right? Well, I'm in a very long tunnel, but I think that just be a dim light, way down at the end.

Magic Pill

Okay, this is two days in a row of poopie posts--please just bear down...uh, I mean bear with me. I've been trying to back off and not put too much pressure on Chickie, but I'm just sick of it.

She is so afraid of pooping. She says it hurts. Thing is, we don't have (ahem) a firmness problem. In fact, lately we haven't even had a frequency problem.

We have a fear problem.

She feels the urge, and she does her darndest to hold it back, running in circles, crying and screaming, sometimes speaking in this weird gibberish. When she finally does the deed, she cries and cries as I change the disposable training pants that we've resorted to. She's hurting because she's afraid, and she continues to be afraid because it continues to hurt.

She thinks it's a physical issue. I'm quite sure the root is actually in her beautiful little head, not her cute little butt.

So today I had an idea that I was desperate enough to try.

"Hey, Chickie," I said when she'd just gone through a minor "Ouchie!" session without any solid results. "Do you want some medicine to help it not hurt?"

"Yeah."

"Okay," I said, headed into the kitchen. "You go play, and I'll find some."

"What's it called?" she asked.

"It doesn't have a name," I said. Then, I magically "remembered." "It's called Placebo!" I proclaimed, as I found--aha--the Halloween candy! I couldn't think of any time she'd ever had Reese's Pieces, so she wouldn't recognize them. I got out one of the little candy-coated "pills."

"Placebo is candy medicine!" I told Chickie. She happily gobbled it up.

Now, it's very important to me not to lie to my kids, and I actually had a really hard time not knowing if I was crossing that line or not. I repeatedly told her, "Taking Placebo can make it not hurt!" I figured that was true, even though it would be her mind, not the pill, doing the job.

When she'd start her moaning, I'd say, "Oh, remember, Chickie? You took Placebo, it doesn't have to hurt anymore!" And at first, it seemed to be working. Like a switch had been flipped, she'd stop the writhing and go on with what she was doing, saying, "I took 'Cebo!"

As the urge got more, well, urgent, it became more difficult. She is in such a terrible habit of tightening up her little body, trying to keep the stuff inside. She got a second Placebo "to help let the poopy out." As I continued to remind her about the Placebo and to tell her she needed to "help it work," she seemed more able to control her emotions. But she still held back, and still went through quite a bit of discomfort.

Chickie went to bed happily--unfortunately, without doing her business. Then she crawled in bed with me this morning and said, "I'm letting the 'cebo work." I sure hope those magic little pills are enough to convince her there really is no reason to fear.

Think Placebo would reduce my mommy anxiety too?

Does Perfect Love Cast Out Fear?

That's the title of the latest installment in the Chickie Poop Saga.

What do you think, folks--can her love of WALL-E conquer her fear of pooping in the potty?

The plan:
1. Pooping in the potty gets her a sticker on the potty chart (see below) and a toy from The Toy Drawer. She'll get four stickers and four toys and then...
2. With Poop #5, she'll get a sticker and the WALL-E movie.

She's talking excitedly about it, so we'll see if it works. Wish us luck!

Here's the chart:


I thought of drawing little poopies in the potties, but I was concerned that guests might find that weird. (Good thing looking at hand-drawn toilets when you get juice from the fridge isn't strange at all.)

What my kid is reading these days

I think that many of us who have small children harbor a secret hope that by reading to them we're contributing to their development into little geniuses. You know, dreaming that when they graduate from Harvard Medical School at the top of the class, their speech will honor "my loving, beautiful mother who is responsible for me being here today because of all the hours she spent reading books to me."

So we buy our babies soft books they can chew on, then books with interesting textures for exploring hands. Before long, we're graduating to Sandra Boynton and Dr. Seuss. We find ourselves looking forward to reading them our favorite childhood books, like The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis.

And then the progression comes to a screeching halt, as we realize the next step isn't C.S. Lewis. It's...

Poop.

Because even little geniuses need to be potty trained, and a whole lot of writers have cashed in on the notion that desperate parents will be happy to shell out good money for a book that just may help their miniature Einstein realize that the potty is the number one place to go number two.

After my first nauseating experience cleaning poop out of big girl panties, I knew I needed to change Chickie's habits ASAP. My search led me to Where's the Poop? by Julie Markes, illustrated by Susan Kathlen Hartung. The reviews on Amazon quickly convinced me, and I ordered it.

This little book may not be turning Chickie into a genius, but we love it. From Amazon, here's the description: "With the aid of this playful book, your child will see that he or she has a place to poop, too. While reinforcing the concept of toilet training, Where's the Poop? gives children the confidence they need. This engaging lift-the-flap book shows children that all creatures have a place to poop: tigers in the jungle, kangaroos in the outback, and monkeys in the rain forest." The end of the book shows a little boy who is proudly telling his mommy he pooped, and when the reader lifts the lid of the toilet, there's the poop, right where it belongs, floating in the potty.

It's a lot less disgusting than it sounds...really. The illustrations are very cute, and the depiction of various animals' poop is somehow very tasteful. Here's Chickie, discovering that little penguins poop on the ice:



Now, it hasn't worked yet, but Chickie is talking positively about pooping in the potty, so I'm earnestly hoping we'll hit that milestone soon.

And I'm changing my daydream a bit. She's still graduating from med school, but her speech is a little different. "Thanks, Mom, for helping me get to med school by spending hours reading me great literature. But more importantly, I've been able to poop in the potty for these last 22 years, and for that I give you credit...well, you and Where's the Poop?"