Tuesday, February 9, 2010

My nail care routine (a horror story)

My wonderful bloggy buddy Sasha recently posted her nail polish routine. And I was impressed! It involves six steps, with five different products. Her nails look beautiful. She even has a blog (with some other moms) called Manicure Mommas.

After reading about her routine, I left Sasha a comment: "You are amazing. I'm totally planning on doing a post about my nail routine soon. I'll link back to yours. My routine will either make you laugh, or gasp in horror. :)"

So, readers, get ready to laugh...or gasp in horror.

C. Beth's Six-Step Nail Care Routine

1. Let nails grow.

2. Think, "Wow, if I took care of my cuticles, my nails would look pretty good right now!"

3. Promptly catch a nail on something and break it. Use teeth or clippers to get rid of the jagged edges.

4. Repeat Step 3 three times over the course of a week or two, resulting in six long nails and six short ones. (Edited to add: As Kara pointed out, this statement is a little fishy. Either my arithmetic or my proofreading skills were clearly lacking when I wrote this....) :)

5. Cut all nails so they are even.

6. Repeat Steps 1-5.

I actually went through some phases when I was younger, phases where I painted my nails, did pretty French manicures, etc. Then my nails developed some sort of sensitivity to nail polish (even quality brands); they get really unhealthy (separating and peeling) when I use polish. I have found one brand online that is water-based, and I've tried it. It seems to work on my nails, though it costs an arm and a leg.

But when it comes down to it, there are just other things I'd prefer to spend my time on. (And I don't mean I have more noble or meaningful uses of my time; on the contrary, I'd prefer to fritter away my time on the computer, watching TV, or reading novels.)

In closing, I'm going to be brave and share with you a picture of my nails. This, readers, is the result of my patented, Six-Step Nail Care Routine:


Follow my routine and you, too, can have jagged nails, dry cuticles...and the time to write in two daily blogs!


Kara said...

Why Beth, we have the exact same nail care routine! Except my nails are shorter and more jaggedy than yours. And I don't have 12 fingers.... ;-) (as per step 4 :-)

Jen said...

You're ahead of me; I've bit my nails (past the quick on some) since I was seven years old. Blech.

And you have more fingers too, or maybe just more nails. heehee

Sasha said...

Mwahhh...... I love it!

Cathy said...

I looked at the picture of your nails but was really hoping to see ALL 12 NAILS! I knew you didn't have 12 nails when I delivered you and was interested in seeing the 2 new nails you grew. Are they on 2 new fingers or do you have 3 nails on one finger? :)

Unknown said...

It doesn't look like you have six fingers on each hand...perhaps you have seven fingers on the hand you didn't post a picture of. That would be pretty sweet.

Annelie said...

Ha ha, that is hilarious! Great post!

Bobbi said...

We've got the same nail care routine as well! I can't wear polish on my fingers... it feels too heavy on my nails! Very weird concept. But it saves me money. :)

The heavy nail feeling doesn't happen on my toes... I frequent a local nail shop for pedicures about once a month. Even though its pricey.... its SOOO WORTH IT! And considering I spend 10 months of the year in flip flops, the rest of Austin appreciates it too.

Call Me Cate said...

Your math is shady at best but my nails look a lot like yours. It's just as well because I can't stand long nails for typing and playing piano (when I was younger, not so much anymore).

Smoochiefrog said...

Nice! I wish I had such an easy routine. :)

Gina said...

Hey! Your fingers look just like mine! ;)

Hyla said...

Are you sure that is not a picture of my nails??

P.S. If you put nail polish on a styrofoam plate, it will burn through it.

Get some eco/nail friendly polish ;)

2cats said...

My math must be bad. I couldn't figure out the mistake until I read about it in the comments.
Your routine probably takes less time than mine. I spend at least 1/2 hour daily on my nails. However, I don't have to small children at home.

Mellodee said...

Every mother of toddlers has nails that look just like yours. It is a badge of honor!!

12 nails, huh? Funny, I never noticed that!

(Don't ya' just love it when your friends catch every little thing??) :)

Unknown said...

I think we have a very similar nail care routine. I've been trying to at least shape them lately though...which is helping, I think. ;-)

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