The kids and I had to leave church early today. Why? Because Chickie hadn't pooped since Thanksgiving, and she was writhing on the floor in the nursery, crying. No amount of cajoling could get her to go.
As I got her in the car, I was crying too. I had no idea how emotional potty training could be, and I don't think a parent who hasn't had a resistant child can understand that. Part of what has been so hard for me through this process is that Chickie's "issues" are somewhat uncommon--a fear of, and resistance toward, pooping, not combined with actual constipation. Folks, if it was as easy as purchasing an expensive laxative, I would gladly do it. Dealing with these issues that are purely in her head is confusing and immensely frustrating. I've found myself wondering if I need to bring her to a child psychologist.
When I "let it go" and don't push her, I feel more at peace. And I thought that was working, in combination with lots of positive reinforcement (the potty chart and accompanying rewards) and plenty of Placebo. Then for some reason Friday and Saturday nights, she sat on the potty for long periods of time, with lots of crying and no solid results. By today she was so sore that it warranted getting her home to deal with it here.
Within an hour of being home, she did her business, in disposable training pants, not the potty.
I know this will work out eventually. I know the chances that she will always fear pooping are very low, since she is maturing emotionally, and most more mature kids are not terrified of pooping, especially if they don't have constipation issues. But in the middle of the mess (or lack of mess at times), it is surprisingly tiring and nearly all-consuming.
I really apologize for all the poop talk. Honestly, it's just hard to sit down and blog about something else when this is such a big deal today and has been such a big deal so much of the time lately. Seeing my daughter in self-induced misery and not being able to fix it--that's truly awful. Not to mention the pure frustration of knowing there are many parents blessed with kids who potty trained fairly quickly, without emotional issues. I know it's wrong, but I'm dealing with bitter, jealous feelings, wishing my child was like that. And I know I shouldn't care what others think, but I wonder if those parents who had it easy look at me and think I must just be doing it all wrong.
So there you go--musings of a not-so-happy mommy. The stinky truth.