Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Line-item veto

My dad's blog yesterday asked his readers what would make them want to "self-impose a pink slip." I responded, "You know, I was sitting here trying to think of a good answer and realized how incredibly blessed I am that right now I don't feel like resigning from anything. Yeah!"

Then I got to thinking. I may not want to resign from any of my "jobs" but (forgive the dreadfully mixed metaphors here) I sure would love line-item veto power. If I had that power...

I'd keep cooking but I'd veto dirty dishes.

I'd still love being a mommy but I'd veto potty training a toddler and production of toxic gas by my infant's rear end.

I'd stay married but I'd veto silly arguments with my spouse.

I'd keep up my Big Brothers Big Sisters mentoring but I'd veto the long drive across town to see my Little Sis.

I'd keep our dog Hammer but I'd veto 95% of barking and 100% of chewing on or eating forbidden objects.

I'd keep blogging but I'd veto Blogger's technical issues and caring too much how many people are reading.

I'd keep occasionally doing a little real estate work but I'd veto stress.

I'd keep driving but I'd veto dirt that sticks to cars, red lights, and traffic.

While I'm waiting for my line-item veto power, indulge me by sharing how you'd make your life easier with that powerful red editing pen.


Sam said...

I can't believe I'm making the first comment (unless someone else pushes "publish" before me). Being on the East Coast for thanksgiving has its advantages!

I would veto the responsibility for all the little things that need occasional repair around the house. Toilets start leaking, smoke alarm batteries need to be changed, lawn sprinklers need replacement, etc. Those things never seem to come at a good time.

Even as I say that, I remember the elderly man your mom and I saw shuffling through the airport yesterday. The first comment was how long it would take to walk a great distance like that. The next one was that we're sure he's grateful he can still walk.

Your comment about Zoodle's toxic gas has me scratching my head. I have three smark kids who each married smart spouses. Surely one of you could learn how to bottle that gas and refine it. We need to become energy-sustainable, don't you know. Besides, then I can veto paychecks!

Love, Dad

C. Beth said...

Dad--Your entrepreneurial, inventive mind is inspiring. I'll get to work on it. To advertise: "Green Gas: Hey, it doesn't stink as much as high energy bills!"

C. Beth said...

We could also bill it as "TRULY natural gas."

Sam said...

I like the use of "Green" when talking about the environment. The image of "green gas" is less than appealing, though. "TRULY natural gas." Get that one trademarked before someone else reads this!

Becky said...

Lol! You both are hilarious!

What I would veto - kids waking up at 5:00 a.m. on the weekends, traffic jams, and the horrific number of calories in all my favorite holiday treats. I think I'll keep most of the rest of it, though.

Jenners said...

What fun! If only this power was true!!!

I'd keep dinnertime...but veto having to make two separate meals for my son and my husband and me. (Son has...how shall we say this kindly...a very limited menu that we are working on expanding.)

I'd keep vacations...but veto the inevitable bickering and sniping my husband and I engage in as we leave the airport and begin driving in a strange city.

I'd keep Christmas...but veto the gifts for the grown-ups and just give to the kids.

I'd keep chocolate...but veto the inevitable weight gain!

I could go on like this forever! What a fun little exercise.

Heather said...

My fingers tremble with anticipation of all they could veto. I'll try to keep them in check and not take up the entire main frame:

I'd keep my beautiful hardwood furnishings and floors but veto dust.

I'd keep those special time of my son falling asleep in my arms in the middle of the night but veto him getting up for the day at 5am.

I'd keep him learning how to crawl/cruise but veto him falling so I don't have to put those big ugly rubber things on the corners of my coffee table.

I would keep caffeine but veto what it does to my stomach and secondly veto that it gets into breastmilk.

I would keep all manner of food and veto calories.

I would keep all my sons toys that he loves playing with so much but veto the ridiculous amount of space that they take up.

Okay, enough, I'm going to just have to continue this in my own time. Too fun.

Momza said...

Oh this is too fun to pass on...

I would keep my teenagers, but veto their attitudes, their costly clothing, and incessant texting (actually, I have vetoed that a few times and it was highly successful!)

Yeah just that one little bit alone and I'd call it good.

Dina Maas said...

This is fun. I agree with you on your first veto. I love being a mommy, but would also veto the seemingly one step forward and two steps back of potty training. And, I'd veto all tantrums, especially in public. Oh, and I'd veto the ability of those last 10 baby pounds to hang on so tenaciously. I suppose if I'd veto my love for chocolate they might be gone already. :-)

I love the change of seasons, but I'd veto the cold, harsh winds that sometimes make winter unbearable.

I love my husband, but I'd veto his inability to close cupboard doors. Seriously, what's up with that?

I love writing, but I'd veto the insecurity of wondering if people will think it's good or even take the time to read it.

I love being in shape, but I'd veto the lack of motivation that sometimes threatens to sabotage the process.

I find comfort in recalling memories of my dad, but would veto the pain that still stings when I realize he's gone.

I suppose I could go on and on, but I'm thankful that I have more blessings to count, than items that I would veto.

Omah's Helping Hands said...

I love the comments so far. This is a neat little exercise. I'm all for the bottling of natural gas. Believe me, we have plenty to contribute to you. :>)

I'd keep the special needs kids...but veto the mess from eating and using the facilities.

I ditto the spouse and petty arguments.

I'll keep the church...but veto those who are above all.

I'll keep driving (necessity)...but veto the crazies that take WAY too many chances.

I'll keep the beatiful yard, but veto the loads of work to keep it that way.

Keep the industries as we need them...but veto the smog :(

Oh, and speaking of natural gas, how about all the cow and pig farms...veto their noxious smells as well, and hopefully bottle that. Hee hee

And as Jenners said, the list goes on and on. Thanks C. Beth! This was fun!

Isdihara said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Isdihara said...

This is such a great thread.
Wheee! Let's see...

I'd keep newborns but veto labor pains.

I'd keep my husband but veto nasty habits (too many to list) and petty arguments.

I'd keep sexy firemen (insert your favorite: men in uniform, men who love housework, handy men, etc.) but veto pot bellies.

I'd keep chocolate but veto snack calories.

Everyone has previously listed such good ones! I applaud each and every entry.

Chris Bowers said...

I'd keep the Arizona sun, but veto 146 degree temperatures.

Frankie and Bella said...

Oooh so much I would veto but mainly being able to eat to my hearts content but veto all those pesky kilos!

Frankie and I love your blogs and this one in particular. We were given the Kreativ Blogger award recently by another fellow blogger and wanted to acknowledge you to :)


d said...

I just read Sam's comment and a word to the wise...

..If you insist on adopting 'Smark' kids (and everyone knows that kids from Smark are known for their ability to select the most fantastic and amazingly wonderful and intelligent mates) you need to be made aware of the 'explosive toxic gas' gene passed on proudly from generation to generation of 'Smarks from Smark'.

If you have no idea what I am talking about run a quick spell-check on Sam's comment from this morning.

C. Beth said...

Dad--Oh, I know, "green gas" is icky--but so wonderfully evocative.

Becky--Amen to the weekend early risers!!

Jenners--Oh, yeah...hate the vacation arguments. Travel is stressful!

Heather--Along the same lines, I'd keep coffee but veto caffeine altogether--I get so jittery.

Momza--I am so glad my kids won't have bad attitudes as teens (ha!)

Dina--Great ones--I know a lot of people relate to your last one. Excellent way to describe the loss of someone you love.

Omah's HH--I'm with you--especially the smog!

Isdihara--Am I crazy that I'm not sure I'd veto labor pains? In the middle of my natural labor with Zoodle I surely would have spoken differently...childbirth amnesia is a powerful thing.

Chris--oh, I don't miss that AZ heat. A couple of months ago I posted a poem about it.

Bella--Thank you for the award! :)

d--I guess the spelling gene was passed to us by my mom. Oh, and when Molly gets older I'm totally telling her that you said she stinks. :)

EliandMe said...

Today I would veto childhood illnesses, but keep the desire to give mummy lots of hugs.

Isdihara said...

Just dropping in again to remark how taken I was with your line-item veto post. (Repeat after me, "How taken were you...?")

I was so taken with it that I posted about it on my blog -- and encouraged readers to head on over here to give you some comment love. Especially the kind with red editing pen notations.

Here's hoping you get some extra eyes (and comments). The lists are so much fun to read!

(I wonder...is this how Memes get started?)