- Cleaned up pee that was spilled from the toddler potty onto the carpet, and that splashed on both the furniture and my face. (Don't ask.)
- Cleaned poop from the carpet. And a towel. And a shoe. And underwear. And a toddler potty. And little bottoms. And little legs. And my hands.
- Bandaged a kid's bloody toe (with the nail bent back by a closing door.)
- Cleaned up a child's pink vomit from the carpet, my clothes, my skin, and my hair.
- Wiped noses countless times.
- Taken rectal temperatures.
Parenting is gross.
So next time you hear parents waxing poetic about their children's melodious laughs, sweet kisses, and brilliant milestones, just remember this: We're really just trying to distract ourselves from all the gross stuff so we can make it through 18 years without going completely nuts.