Thursday, May 27, 2010

Parenting is gross.

In the last week, I have...
  • Cleaned up pee that was spilled from the toddler potty onto the carpet, and that splashed on both the furniture and my face. (Don't ask.)
  • Cleaned poop from the carpet. And a towel. And a shoe. And underwear. And a toddler potty. And little bottoms. And little legs. And my hands.
  • Bandaged a kid's bloody toe (with the nail bent back by a closing door.)
And in the last few months, I have...
  • Cleaned up a child's pink vomit from the carpet, my clothes, my skin, and my hair.
  • Wiped noses countless times.
  • Taken rectal temperatures.
There is only one conclusion to be reached.

Parenting is gross.

So next time you hear parents waxing poetic about their children's melodious laughs, sweet kisses, and brilliant milestones, just remember this: We're really just trying to distract ourselves from all the gross stuff so we can make it through 18 years without going completely nuts.


YooperRoo said...

HAHA This is so true. I do things for my son and clean up the grossest things that I would have never done in a million years prior to being a mom. It's amazing what you'll do for your kids without hesitating that you'd NEVER consider doing for anyone else. For example, I secretly get a feeling of satisfaction by picking the boogers out of my son's nose, but if my husband ever asked me to pick his nose for him I'd say "Are you nuts?! That is so disgusting!"

Eternal Lizdom said...

So true!!! I still don't handle vomit well but I do better than I ever could before. I can handle the actual puking but not the clean up of puke. Thankfully, Jeff can handle the clean up just fine.

It slays me, too, that not only does life really just become gross- but the grossness becomes a totally ok thing to talk about in a group of other moms!! And I crack up when Jeff and I have full on conversation about the color of one kid's poop or where we found a booger and so on!

Renee said...

That's awesome! In a purely funny and true way! It stinks you had to clean all that up!

Lola said...

Definitely! With a 3.5 yr old and a 6.5 month old- I can definitely relate! One's finger is constantly in her nose, the other is starting solids - so it's from one gross glob of goo to the next!

The worst ever (so far) was when my oldest was about a year old and was on table food and then got sick- I got pasta vomit and milk puked all over me while trying to put her to bed. All I could do was yell "Marshall, help!" - I was covered- we had to strip everything (including the rocking chair padding).

Heidi said...

I, too, have been pooped on, peed on, puked on, etc. more times than I can count.

One of my "favorites" was when my son was about 18mo and decided it was fun to take off his diaper during nap time. For a few days we had poop and pee EVERYWHERE!!

The last time it happened I was smart enough to grab the camera and take a few pictures of the carnage. I e-mailed them to my husband and said "THIS is why he didn't take a nap today" His friend/co-worker with 4 kids thought it was hilarious. A single guy happened to walk past and see them and his comment was "I think I'll stick with my dog"

Until he started wearing pull-ups at night last fall, we duct taped my little guy's diaper at nap and bed time. There were times he almost got the duct tape off and other times he actually succeeded, but at least there were no more diasaters in teh crib!

Lara said...

Amen, sister. Last night my son snuck out of bed and sat quietly on the stairs to see what I was doing. When I moved him, he had peed on the stairs! In other grossness, I am constantly finding peanut butter everywhere - on the toilet (yes, I am sure it was peanut butter), light switches, my cell phone (?)
Gross. Just gross.

Mellodee said...

Yep, we've all been there...more often than we'd like. The good news is that eventually they grow up and have their own gross parenting experiences! Payback time! :)

beckiwithani said...

These comments are HILARIOUS! I agree with the one who gets satisfaction when she picks boogers out of her kid's nose ... so funny! I don't know if I would've admitted it before she broke the ice. :D

The enormous poop that goes up the back, onto the bed, and into all of the kid's cracks and crevices (girls are the worst for this) takes the cake in my book. I hope I never, ever have to clean poop out of a kid's vagina again. But I probably will... Ugh.

Sandraa said...

Another thing I remember grossing Hubby out was when I would try to entice one of our small children to eat by taking a bite myself -- of the food they had been playing with and slobbering in for the last half hour. Hey, if it were easy to be a mom, ANYONE could do it! :)