Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Your questions, answered!

I put out a call on Twitter recently, asking for questions to answer on my blog. (I unashamedly stole this idea from Call Me Cate.) Out of the dozens of questions submitted, I have chosen three to answer.

(Or maybe three people submitted questions.... Yeah, I think that was it.)

First, from the aforementioned Call Me Cate (Click her name to access her Twitter page):

Is there any culture or maybe a foreign city that fascinates you and why?

I've always wanted to visit Germany. My dad and brother both studied a little German, and I followed in their footsteps for a year in high school. (Which gives me very little knowledge of the language!) I'm not even sure what all I'd like to see there, but it's always been on my "to visit" list.

Also, Call Me Cate (who is really being prominently featured in this post, isn't she?) went to Barcelona, Spain a couple of years back, and she sent me the most awesome picture. There's a store there that is named after my kids! Well, not actually named after them, but it just so happens to be named "Zoodle & Chickie" (except that it uses their real names.) Another friend of mine visited Barcelona a few months back and confirmed that the little store (a souvenir shop) is still there. So I really want to go to Barcelona with my kids (and hubs!) and take their pictures in front of that shop. It's also supposed to be just a great city to visit.

On to Question 2! This one is from religionbites.

How are you explaining to the kids that the baby won't stay with you after it's born?

(For anyone just coming across this--I'm 18 weeks pregnant with a baby that belongs to my best friend Ann and her husband. I'm their gestational carrier.)

Because Ann & her kids are great friends with me and my kids, this one wasn't too tough, especially for Chickie. She was already aware that Ann and her husband's daughter ("Peanut") grew in someone else's tummy. So it wasn't too hard to explain.

I've just continued to reinforce over and over whose baby this is, and both of the kids have really caught on. In fact, Zoodle told some friends of ours, "Mommy has a baby in her tummy, but it's not our baby; it's Coqui (Ann and her husband's son) and Peanut's baby. Miss Ann doesn't have a uterus because her uterus got sick." Clearly my 3-year-old had been listening to me explaining details to my anatomy-obsessed 5-year-old!

And Question 3! This is from MrE187.

How is it going to feel to give birth and not have the baby around all the time?

Good question! I'm not sure since I just don't really have a frame of reference for this situation.

That being said, I feel like it's going to be easier than most people think it will be. I've heard so many comments about how hard it would be to "give up" a baby. But that's just not my mindset! From the very beginning, I've been 100% aware of the fact that this is not my baby! That makes it completely different than, say, giving up a baby for adoption. The baby will just be returning to its real the mother and father whose egg & sperm started this whole process!

So the transition might not always be easy, but I don't think I'll be overwhelmed with grief and loss. How can I lose something that wasn't mine to begin with? This has always been a temporary situation in my mind, and I'm enjoying it from that perspective. It feels totally different than my own pregnancies felt.

Thanks for the questions! If you have more, you can leave them in the comments section.


Call Me Cate said...

Glad you answered mine and it was interesting to read, but I'll admit I'm fascinated by the carrier-related questions.

I often forget that kids don't come out of the box with the same ideas that adults have formed over the years. They don't automatically assume that a belly on mommy means a baby is coming to live with them forever. It's a great reminder that kids are a blank slate and an opportunity to teach love and acceptance instead of judging about "different."

As for my question - I was still feeling the confusion of being in a new city/country for the first time, one where I didn't speak the language. After dragging our suitcases a ridiculously long way (we got off the airport shuttle at the wrong stop), Joe left me on the sidewalk with the bags while he went to actually locate the hotel. It was standing along the side of the busy pedestrian ave that I looked up and saw the store. It was actually very comforting to me, to see the names of a friend's little ones in the middle of such chaos.

Unknown said...

I like question and answer posts, you always learn a little something new about friends. Germany would be a cool place to visit. They have lots of castles I believe, so that would be fun to tour.

Graciegreen said...

Hi, How are you???? Great blog...I follow you on 0ne Minute Writer. (My all time favorite) I have four adopted grandchildren. Two are Haitians with three biological siblings. None of our eight missed a beat accepting the 4 & 5 year old "new kids" as brother & sister & cousins. Our two new baby girls with mom & birth mom's (now 4 & 8)open adoptions, just accept their lives as normal. These kids are so close and so loving and accepting of each other. The birth mothers who chose my daughters to raise their children are my heroes...I think your being a gestational carrier is so giving and heroic...

Mike said...

Cool questions, cool answers!