Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Guest blogger: Kris!

I'm out of town this week and some fantastic guest bloggers are stepping in for me! Today is Kris, who is such an encouraging mama--she's one of my newer blogging friends, and she's fantastic! Be sure to check out Kris' blogs, which are linked below.


Hey Y'all! My name is Kristen (but most people just call me Kris) and I'll be filling in for Beth today. Isn't she just like that ray of sunshine coming through your window in the morning...making your whole day seem a little better and brighter? I'm not exactly a ray of sunshine...but I'll do my very best to temporarily fill her shoes.

I'll tell you a little bit about myself and then I'll get down to business. I'm a stay-at-home mom of four. Two boys, Two girls. The eldest is almost 10, the youngest is right at 4 months old. I didn't technically birth the eldest but he's still "mine". I live in SC way back in the woods and 30-45 minutes away from the nearest Wally World. Shoot, our town just got their second stoplight not too long ago. Yes, I live in "the sticks". I blog over at Hands, House, and Heart Full and another blog that I use mostly for my little mini-revelations (so to speak), Like A Child. I post all kinds of things on my blog...photos, stories about my kids and husband, rants about things people do, some tips and tricks for blogging, cleaning, cooking...it's all just kind of randomly mixed in over there...but then again, I'm pretty random sometimes.

Any-who. Let's get on down to business. You're not here to read about me. You're here to see something interesting! I sure hope I can deliver.

Ten things parenthood does that you never would have dreamed of before becoming a parent:

1) For women after you have children nothing is ever the same again. Nothing. Your hips tend to get wider, your waist larger...and gravity starts to take its hold on you. Things you didn't even know could sag will begin to sag. Like for instance...your belly button. Many of us will retain a permanent "pooch". Those of us who don't somehow manage to work out in addition to everything else required of us...and a select few will have liposuction.

2) For men--your wife will no longer be that woman who just "lets loose" and "takes it easy". She'll be too worried about what the members of the PTA would say if they saw her in Wal-Mart playing on the tricycles. She won't even relax at night...she will impulsively get up to check and make sure that the children are breathing or clean that "one last thing". By the way, there is never just "one last thing". While she's doing that she will inevitably find something else that needs to be done.

3) Your child(ren) will inevitably share some bodily fluid with you against your will. Whether you like it or not you will eventually probably wind up getting pooped, peed and vomited on. While it definitely won't be the highlight of your day you'll probably just clean it up and go on about your business.

4) You will always think that your children are better looking than everyone else's children. It doesn't matter if your child has crossed eyes, buck teeth and one nostril. He or she will still look better than your neighbor's kid.

5) Your children will eventually pay you back for everything you did to your parents--and then some. You will think you are wiser than your parents and "know all the tricks" but there are new "tricks" developing every day... or you will lose the ability to think that your child is anything but an angel.

6) You will do things that you think are silly/funny/cool that your children will find utterly embarrassing and shameful. They will say things in the middle of your totally awesome air guitar solo like "Mom, that is SO not cool. How old ARE YOU?" (which by the way has NEVER happened to me. )

7) You will stare at other people's children in disbelief when they throw a tantrum and wonder why they aren't spanking their child all the way to the car but when it comes to your own children you will do everything in the book to avoid punishing them. Instead of just counting to 3 you'll count like this. 1, 2..................2.............................., "Do you want me to go to three?"...............................2.....................................3. Then proceed to tell them "Just wait until your father gets home."

8) You will become more like your mother/father than you ever intended. Reasons they did things will suddenly become clear. You'll do one of two things. Either go back and apologize to your parents and say that you understand now....or completely deny that you are "turning into your mother" (or father).

9) You will sacrifice anything and everything you have to so that your children will not only have what they need, but also a few things they want. You'll do things like dying your hair at home instead of in a salon so that you have the extra money to sign them up for soccer...and you won't hold it against them...you'll do it with a smile on your face knowing the joy it will bring them.

10) Complete strangers will come up to you while you're pregnant and touch your belly, tickle it, talk to it, rub it, and even kiss it--and for the most part you'll just smile and answer their questions...even though you've already done it 10 times that day.

I hope that y'all have enjoyed my little "blippit" in Beth's world; I also hope that you will come visit over at one (or both) of my blogs. Mostly I hope that Beth has fun on her vacation and comes back refreshed and ready to tell us about everything. She truly is a wonderful bloggy buddy with an awesome talent for writing. Maybe y'all could leave some of your thoughts about parenting for her to read when she returns...I know she always makes me smile, maybe we could do the same for her!



This is great, Kris! And HOW did you KNOW that my kids are the best kids in the neighborhood?! Thanks so much for the entertaining post!


Fannyfanackapan said...

Well done Kris, really enjoyed your guest blog.

2cats said...

Hi Kris,
You are so right.I have turned into my mother. Some days I have to turn around to make sure she isn't standing behind me. I can't believe her exact words have come out of my mouth.
Thanks for filing in.

Kris said...

Fannyfanackapan--I'm glad you enjoyed it!!

2cats--Boy...do I know that feeling. Thanks for leaving me some comment love!

SgtRoysWife said...

Hillarious! Great post!!

Kris said...

SgtRoysWife--Thank you so very much! It's always nice to know that someone "got it" when you're trying to be funny! ;-)