Tuesday, February 9, 2010

My nail care routine (a horror story)

My wonderful bloggy buddy Sasha recently posted her nail polish routine. And I was impressed! It involves six steps, with five different products. Her nails look beautiful. She even has a blog (with some other moms) called Manicure Mommas.

After reading about her routine, I left Sasha a comment: "You are amazing. I'm totally planning on doing a post about my nail routine soon. I'll link back to yours. My routine will either make you laugh, or gasp in horror. :)"

So, readers, get ready to laugh...or gasp in horror.

C. Beth's Six-Step Nail Care Routine

1. Let nails grow.

2. Think, "Wow, if I took care of my cuticles, my nails would look pretty good right now!"

3. Promptly catch a nail on something and break it. Use teeth or clippers to get rid of the jagged edges.

4. Repeat Step 3 three times over the course of a week or two, resulting in six long nails and six short ones. (Edited to add: As Kara pointed out, this statement is a little fishy. Either my arithmetic or my proofreading skills were clearly lacking when I wrote this....) :)

5. Cut all nails so they are even.

6. Repeat Steps 1-5.

I actually went through some phases when I was younger, phases where I painted my nails, did pretty French manicures, etc. Then my nails developed some sort of sensitivity to nail polish (even quality brands); they get really unhealthy (separating and peeling) when I use polish. I have found one brand online that is water-based, and I've tried it. It seems to work on my nails, though it costs an arm and a leg.

But when it comes down to it, there are just other things I'd prefer to spend my time on. (And I don't mean I have more noble or meaningful uses of my time; on the contrary, I'd prefer to fritter away my time on the computer, watching TV, or reading novels.)

In closing, I'm going to be brave and share with you a picture of my nails. This, readers, is the result of my patented, Six-Step Nail Care Routine:

Photobucket

Follow my routine and you, too, can have jagged nails, dry cuticles...and the time to write in two daily blogs!

15 comments:

Kara said...

Why Beth, we have the exact same nail care routine! Except my nails are shorter and more jaggedy than yours. And I don't have 12 fingers.... ;-) (as per step 4 :-)

Jen said...

You're ahead of me; I've bit my nails (past the quick on some) since I was seven years old. Blech.

And you have more fingers too, or maybe just more nails. heehee

Sasha said...

Mwahhh...... I love it!

Cathy said...

I looked at the picture of your nails but was really hoping to see ALL 12 NAILS! I knew you didn't have 12 nails when I delivered you and was interested in seeing the 2 new nails you grew. Are they on 2 new fingers or do you have 3 nails on one finger? :)

Melinda said...

It doesn't look like you have six fingers on each hand...perhaps you have seven fingers on the hand you didn't post a picture of. That would be pretty sweet.

Snarky A. said...

Ha ha, that is hilarious! Great post!

rainylakechick said...

We've got the same nail care routine as well! I can't wear polish on my fingers... it feels too heavy on my nails! Very weird concept. But it saves me money. :)

The heavy nail feeling doesn't happen on my toes... I frequent a local nail shop for pedicures about once a month. Even though its pricey.... its SOOO WORTH IT! And considering I spend 10 months of the year in flip flops, the rest of Austin appreciates it too.

Call Me Cate said...

Your math is shady at best but my nails look a lot like yours. It's just as well because I can't stand long nails for typing and playing piano (when I was younger, not so much anymore).

Smoochiefrog said...

Nice! I wish I had such an easy routine. :)

Gina said...

Hey! Your fingers look just like mine! ;)

Hyla said...

Are you sure that is not a picture of my nails??

P.S. If you put nail polish on a styrofoam plate, it will burn through it.

Get some eco/nail friendly polish ;)

2cats said...

My math must be bad. I couldn't figure out the mistake until I read about it in the comments.
Your routine probably takes less time than mine. I spend at least 1/2 hour daily on my nails. However, I don't have to small children at home.

Mellodee said...

Every mother of toddlers has nails that look just like yours. It is a badge of honor!!

12 nails, huh? Funny, I never noticed that!

(Don't ya' just love it when your friends catch every little thing??) :)

Kristen said...

I think we have a very similar nail care routine. I've been trying to at least shape them lately though...which is helping, I think. ;-)

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