Contestants: Mothers of sick children
- THE WIPE: Contestant must wipe the nose of a child whose head is shaking and jerking at near-lightspeed. Extra points for getting snot on tissue instead of all over child's face. Penalty for accidentally scratching child.
- THE TEMP: Contestant must try to get an accurate reading of a child's temperature. Obstacles include child's inability to keep mouth closed for more than 0.5 seconds [oral option,] or child's attempts to roll, shake, shimmy, and wiggle [rectal option.]
- THE EWW: Contestant must change a baby's diarrhea-filled diaper [or a toddler's diarrhea-filled Pull-Up, in very advanced levels of play] without losing her own lunch.
- THE DOUGH: Contestant must empty wallet as quickly as possible by racking up doctor bills. Extra points given if doctor uses common phrase, "It's just a virus," making visit utterly meaningless.
- THE TRANSLATION: Contestant must listen to child's cough and determine whether it is wet, dry, whooping, barking, productive, getting better, getting worse, frequent, occasional, raspy, wheezing, or any combination of the above.
Readers, with your help, perhaps we can make this a decathlon? Looking forward to your additions to the list of events.
And looking forward to Chickie getting over a bug she's having trouble shaking! Don't worry, I'm sure "it's just a virus."