I have failed. (And that's okay.)

I've posted in the past about my house cleaning strategy. But it's time to truly come clean.

I've failed.

Sure, sometimes I clean. And sometimes I declutter. But in general I don't keep up with the cleaning and the decluttering and the maintenance (touching up wall paint, for instance) nearly as well as I feel I "should." I end up anxious. I feel guilty for not doing my stay-at-home-mom job as well as I should. I get so overwhelmed that I don't know where to start, so I find other things to do instead.

Recently, The Engineer suggested that we get a house cleaner a couple of times a month. While part of me still felt guilty (This means I'm not doing a good job!!), the rest of me quickly warmed up to the idea. It took some time to find someone, but this Monday I connected with someone I think I'm really going to like. She and her husband will be coming over next Monday to meet me, and if all goes well, they'll do their first clean on Friday.

After talking to her Monday, something clicked in my head. It was like a huge pressure had been taken off me, and with the overwhelmed feeling gone, I was suddenly motivated.

Knowing I don't have to take care of the bathrooms and the floors and the dusting, this week I've taken on one manageable decluttering project at a time. My bedside table. The rest of our bedroom. A "magic bin" that had been sitting around for over a week. The artwork/magnet/junk-covered refrigerator. I still have a lot of areas to declutter, but it feels doable now.

And I've realized, it's okay that I've failed in some "great house cleaner" ideal I had set up in my mind. I put my time into other things, things I enjoy, like real estate and blogging and crocheting. And I bring in income in all those ways. So it's okay, since we can afford it, to pay someone to do the scrubbing and cleaning that I don't like to do.

Being a success in some areas requires letting myself be a failure in others.

What a relief to realize that!