I love my Fit. It's a great way to get in a bit of exercise during the kids' nap times. It's very interactive, giving me feedback as I exercise.
But it's the interactivity that is causing problems.
When I boot up the game, I choose my profile (since each person who plays has a separate profile), and an animated graphic representation of the Wii Balance Board walks around my TV screen. The Balance Board greets me by name, and recently we had this strange conversation.
On my TV screen: I haven't seen The Engineer lately. Press A.
I'd like to tell the Balance Board that The Engineer is training for a triathlon and has been working out a ton despite not using the Wii Fit. But that's not an option, so I press the "A" button. The Balance Board continues.
How would you say The Engineer is looking lately?
C. Less toned.
D. More toned.
What, so now I'm a spy for the Wii Fit? I choose B and am greeted with this message:
Great! You should tell him what you just told me!
I stare at the screen. Did I really just get marital advice from a workout video game? Um, yeah. I think that's what happened.
Usually, though, the Fit just comments on how often I've been working out. Sometimes it's encouraging, saying things like, "It takes a lot of dedication to work out daily!" (when I come back two days in a row.) And I enjoy that little pat on the back.
Other times, it's not so encouraging. When I come back after an extended absence, the animated Balance Board admonishes me, "It's been 5 days since I've seen you! Work out every day for the best results." Or, "Too busy to work out yesterday, eh, Beth?"
Now, I suppose a normal person reads that, mutters, "Yeah, whatever," and continues on to do some yoga positions or rhythm boxing. I, on the other hand, actually find myself dreading the Balance Board's critiques. It's a pretty passive aggressive little character, you know. There it is, safe on my TV screen, supposedly encouraging me to work out more often, but I know what it's really thinking is, "You're lazy! LAZY! Get off your blogs and work out more often!"
And I want to shout, "Wait! I took my dog on walks a couple of days this week! And my kid kept me up at night, so I've been extra tired! And really, taking care of kids is a workout in itself, and I burn calories breastfeeding. Please, try to understand! Please, Balance Board, please love me!!"
If you know any therapists who could help me with the unhealthy relationship I have with a digital rendition of an inanimate object, please send them my way.